Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Burn It Down

I couldn't find a lighter, to light my cigarette, so I
Turned on your stove and I lit it there instead
Ain't it just my luck, there ain't anybody home
But little ole me, some kerosene and a list of done-me-wrongs

You told me that you loved me, and there ain't anybody else
So imagine my surprise that I didn't have you to myself
I already cried and baby now its your turn, I'll keep all the memories
And you can watch em burn

Cause I'm Crazy
From what you did to me, Baby
Somebody, Save me
From this broken heart and all these scars and the happy life you've torn apart
There ain't no stoppin me now, it's time to
Burn it down

I tried to let it go but I couldn't find the time
You took everything we had now I'm gonna take what's mine
Don't tell me that you're sorry now, I don't wanna hear your blame
Now you can sit and watch is as it all goes down in flames

Cause I'm Crazy
From what you did to me, Baby
Somebody, Save me
From this broken heart and all these scars and the happy life you've torn apart
There ain't no stoppin me now, it's time to
Burn it down

Baby ain't it sad, that you broke up this happy home
Now you can just stand back, as it all goes up in smoke..

Cause I'm Crazy
From what you did to me, Baby
Somebody, Save me
From this broken heart and all these scars and the happy life you've torn apart
There ain't no stoppin me now, it's time to
Burn it down

Thursday, April 26, 2012

"Her Problem Now"

I haven't done a songblog with actual lyrics in awhile, so tonight I'm going to go back to where I started and share a new song I wrote today. Hopefully after I get through the show next week I can sit down with Bill and record a new songblog video for you guys so you can hear it!  On Tuesday I will be opening for Matt Kennon at Dax's, which I'm excited about because he is a great artist AND I get to do an acoustic show, which I love. I just finished my latest single "Bring Me Down" in the studio and I've been jamming out to it non stop. As soon as I get it up on itunes I will let everyone know so YOU can rock out to it in your car too! I know sometimes it's hard to get where I'm coming from until it's put to music, but writing is where it starts for me, a melody line and a story, so here it is!

I know that she don't, know my name
She may never know the truth
And as much as I hate it, it's not her fault
That she's been fooled by you

It don't matter, what I think
We both know it won't change anything

I don't' know what it's like to be, loved by you
So I can't say that I'm missin out
I never had you, to hold onto
I could never keep you around
But that's her problem now

I know by now she's probably, seen my face
This town is too small for us
And as much as I hate it, it's not her fault
That she doesn't know what this was

It don't matter, what I say
We both know you're gonna lie about it anyway

I don't' know what it's like to be, loved by you
So I can't say that I'm missin out
I never had you, to hold onto
I could never keep you around
But that's her problem now

I don't' know what it's like to be, loved by you
But I've been left and broken down
I never had you, to hold onto
I wonder if she'll figure it out
But that's her problem now

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Guitar Hero

I delete the voicemail before I finish listening to it,

"I"m really sorry Kate, it's a money issue..."


I call my manager..prrroobably 13 times in a row. Finally he answers. And I inevitably over react.


Unbelievable. Texas Motor Speedway, cancelled. My manager asked me not to post on my music sites that it's not happening, because everything else still is, just not the one, main, huge, show. Cool. Glad I went around telling everyone about it. I log into my facebook...cancel event...delete poster...log into reverbnation, cancel event....kateturnermusic.com...cancel event...ourstage..edit EPK..cancel event...I hate this. How stupid. At least there's still the Cowboy Stadium...and the Jimmie Van Zant concert...if my manager can find a new venue.

Apparently the non profit organization got a little in over their heads with some of the names they wanted to bring in, and if you know anything about the Texas Motor Speedway...its..freaking..huge. blah blah budget..blah blah ticket sales..blah blah sponserts blah blah ipso facto- cancelled. Now I look like a moron. Oh well, I'll keep it on the low until I know for sure whats going on. Whatever I still have Louisiana..hopefully..and the big show at the mall..hopefully

I check my email, the chick from Simon Malls emailed me about Mom's Night Out event. They have their own state of the art PA and are providing a sound guy..boom. National event = professional. She sends me a copy of the insurance coverage they need from me. To be featured at the mall, as entertainment for their National Mom's Night Out, I have to have a 2 MILLION dollar insurance policy. I call the mall lady.

"How many people do you think you can draw?"

"Uhhh not 2 million dollars worth."

giggle giggle "Well we just need to protect ourselves you know we wanna make sure there aren't TOO many people and we don't have enough security etc."

It's not a Justin Bieber concert in the mall, it's a mother's day thing and it's me, I swear there won't be TOO many people..

"Well I don't think you need to worry about any riots."

I call my insurance agent...

"You need it for HOW much? OH MY GOD"

"Uh ya, well call me back...let me know what we can do..."

I have a voicemail from the owner at Dax's. I call her back, we schedule a show, June 2nd. I normally don't get to book things for myself too far in advance now, my manager tells me what weekends I can book, and which ones I have to keep open for potential out of town gigs.

I'm still so MAD about Texas. I'm not going to tell anyone, why try and explain it, I sound stupid. Don't tell dad, he'll have something pessimistic and annoyed to say. Don't need that. I get to practice at 6...just Bill and Rob are here so far...I ask if the new guitar player is coming. We forgot to tell him we moved practice last week. Anyway, he seemed cool, at this point I just wanted a steady reliable lead player and it has seemed impossible.

"I need to talk to you about that, Kate"

"NO...what..no..is it bad"

"Look it's just not going to work out..I hate to say this, I didn't even want to tell you but I talked to him today and he's just not comfortable with our situation."

"WHAT...he told me what a great singer I was...WHAT SITUATION?"

"He's not comfortable with a female fronted band"

I don't even say anything at first. There are no words. Since July, I have had 6 lead players. SIX. Scotty, Caleb, Nick, Jeremy, some old dude who's name I can't remember because he only played one show..and now, (he who shall remain nameless). Not all have left for bad reasons by any means, some of them I still love dearly. But I've had the dudes who want to solo over my lyrics in every song, the dudes who think we should do more rock covers, the dude who thinks he should get to tell me how to write my songs..the dude who thinks he should get paid more...the dude who just doesn't have time between ALL THE BANDS WHO ARE JUST BEGGING HIM TO JOIN...I've had them all. I gotta stop booking semi-important shows. Everytime I have something big booked, another one bites the dust. Today blows.

My mom starts texting me, I take it as a personal attack since I've been grumpy all day about Texas and now I'm on the verge of a breakdown over my sexist guitar player. I over react, for the second time today, I just cannot believe all of this. The rest of the band pow wow about what to do next. I am still text fighting my mom. I have completely checked out of rehearsal. I just want to go home. How, and who are we going to get on such short notice to learn THREE HOURS of music for this mall show? What about Dax's? I'm not cancelling another show. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Female fronted band? Is he serious? I've dealt with that before, like this is 1954 and I'm a housewife trying to start a band. Some venues won't book me because of it..isn't that insane? Isn't it stupid that there are bars around here that "prefer" not to have female fronted bands? Rob tries to make me feel better by talking about how ridiculous people are. How some people don't take it seriously...take it seriously? Oh I'm sorry middle aged guitar player doing gigs with his buddies at dive bars covering 80's butt rock songs, did you have something more serious going on..more legit than someone writing and performing original music, doing national shows and trying to do something different and on another level. No you don't, but I'm a girl and I'm younger than you, and you're supposed to play the songs I give you and this isn't about you, and you don't get to sing your favorite Bret Michaels song at any of the shows because this is about me, and poor manly you, can't handle that. Grow up.

The band starts going through the set list. I think I'm crying? yep. crying. My voice cracks, I wipe my face and  look around the room...no one noticed..no one saw me get upset. I can't look weak. Hard enough to get people to take me seriously, crying's just gonna make it worse. Can I just have reliable people in my life? Can I have shows not get cancelled, can I keep ONE DAMN guitar player for longer than two weeks. Can I not get mad at my mom for wanting my attention? Can I not have a mental breakdown at rehearsal. Can I not be broke working at a bar? Can I not go around promoting my "tour" and have it fall apart? Can I pull off my biggest local show without a guitar player? Can I afford to pay for another musician? For the 100th time in the last year I think...what the hell am I doing with my life. The band finishes another song...we end up practicing for a few hours even though I make 37 comments about how I just want to stop.

I text Brook at the studio and ask him for Joe Smart's number. He did all of my studio work, he is...the shit. I leave him a voice mail, begging him to do me this huge favor. Hopefully he won't be busy, he works for..everyone, plays for everyone, the kind of guy that I know I can throw 30 songs at and he can show up the day of the show and just freaking be perfect. So much for me getting paid for this show..I would give him my first born if he got me out of this jam.

"Uh ya I don't think I have anything that day, on Friday I do, but not Thursday..what are you doing a couple songs?"

"Uhhhhh no...its...two hours.."

"OH...ha..wow ok. Well.."

"Look I know this is last minute, but there's no one else around here that I'd be comfortable with, this show is a big deal for me and I want it to be professional sounding, and there's not time for me to bring someone in and walk them through this set list, it's too much music, you don't even have to show up to rehearsal, I'm one hundred percent confident you can show up the day of and be fine."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence...ok send me your set list, are you doing the song I'm recording for you tomorrow?"

"Bring me down? ya, it's on there"

"Ok I'll pay attention to that one then."

I call Bill...pumped, I send Joe the tentative set list and all my scratch tracks of the originals. YES. Thank God. This is why I'm doing this with my life. Because it's freaking cool.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Baby Orange

"Hey Brook just texted me, want to come to the studio with me at 4?"

Why does this always happen when I'm in the middle of something unavoidable. Like trying to dry my hair. Last time I went into record I was drunk. On accident. I was told I would be called "sometime during the week" to set up my session, instead, my go-to guitar/banjo/mandolin player happened to be there so he wanted me to come in right then. Right then, I just happened to be in sweats and hammered. Stephen and I had been watching Ghost Hunters or something..you have to drink every time someone says "ghost" or "spirit"..super cool. Anyway, I went in, sang it through twice, told Joe I wanted something like Sugarlands "Stay" and bam, one take the guy lays down parts for my pride and joy- "Over and Again."

I'm not drunk this time, and it's only scratch track vocal day so it'll be fine. Studio needs money up front and of course I mysteriously can't get a hold of my manager. Shit. So we stop at my work, grab my paycheck, cash two paychecks at the bank then head to the studio. Hopefully it's enough.. I have practice at 6 and I was supposed to bring my bass player a promo pack for some show in Spokane, but I forgot it, again. Great.

Stephen: "How are ya Brook?"

Brook: (grumble grumble) "Better now that you're here"

Stephen: "I was gonna bring you some beer but I spaced it"

K guys, I get it, you're friends, today we're recording my song ok...mine mine mine

There's always a little dog.

Stephen: "oh look at you with your haircut you look like a different dog!"

Brook: "it IS a different dog"

Us: "Oh."

I forgot to take of my shoes for the 37th time as I walk back to the vocal booth so I kick off my chucks real quick and think to myself..way to go Kate..how hard is it...take off your shoes. I put on my headphones, adjust my volume, guitar track, my vocals...click..nah I don't need a click. I sing the song in one take, doesn't have to be perfect, just a scratch track..but it pretty much is perfect..if I do say so myself. :)

Brook: "Ok, you're done"

The next 30 minutes are comprised of Brook and Stephen chatting back in forth about all the glorious musical endeavours Run From Cover is soon to experience. We talk about the Ourstage competition for Warped Tour and the new LoveDrug show. And how crazy it all is.

Brook: "Ya that site really confused me, I got on there and voted though"

Stephen: "thanks man, I can't believe you had time for that"

Brook: "I didn't have time, but I voted anyway"

I picture Brook sitting at his mixing board finishing someones song and simultaneously clicking "better" or  "same" on the Warped Tour judging site on his other monitor screen. Ha...

I swear this little dog has licked off all the spray tan on my right arm. I pick him up and put him on the ground. He starts licking my feet. Of course, I come into the studio to record a new song and talk about what's going on and instead Stephen and Brook playfully banter about the "biz" while I get licked by the dog and wonder if Brook thinks I'm weird. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm weird. I wonder if he knows I was drunk last time I was here...I wonder if he even thinks I'm good. Maybe he's like look at this weird girl always in chuck taylors recording country songs one by one...wtf is her deal. Whatever.

Stephen: "Do you have any new toys?"

Brook: "all sorts of new toys"

Stephen walks into the instrument room.


Me: "What the hell is a baby orange?"

No one answers me. I'm dumb. And still not a part of the club, I am ignored for my stupidity.

Brook wants to know what this song is for, what I want on it, how I want it to sound..any artist or song in particular that kind of mimic the idea I'm going for. I tell him I'm going to Texas the 25th, opening for Jimmie Van Zant, and my manager wanted a country rock song, and this song is as close as I can get with my original stuff. I don't wanna go up there and belt out "Baby No" at the biker rally/Jimmie Van Zant show...I mean I kinda want to..because I think it'd be funny and make everyone uncomfortable..but I won't, because I don't want a beer dumped on me or something.  Sigh...Texas is going to be fun.

Brook: "I can finish it for you by then Kate, but you HAVE to come in and record your vocals on the 23rd ok. You have to"

Me: "Ok..what day is that? what time?

Stephen: "She won't be up before 1pm"

Me: "Shut up Stephen"

Brook: "You don't work that day?"

Me: "I work weekends"

Stephen: "She makes bank, she bought me an xbox"

Brook: "Now I know why you hang around her"

Me: "ANYWAYYYY. I don't "make bank" and I can be up anytime, whatever lets just do 3..I'll be here at 3."

We get in the car, I have to be at rehearsal in 30 minutes. We stop at Andy's work so we can get some coffee. I haven't eaten yet today...ugh. Coffee makes me nauseas. I have Stephen drop me off at practice, Rog already has my wine poured into my ceramic mug that says "zum zum" on it, sitting nicely on top of the table next to the couch where I sit at every rehearsal. I sit, at every rehearsal. Not because I'm lazy, but because it's easy to sing standing up, so I sit and force myself to sing at full capacity. Sounds stupid, but it really has helped. Lungs of steal. No one told Lee we moved practice. Whatever, we go through a couple new originals, I have 2 more mugs of zum zum, we take a break. We start working on the covers for our Columbia Center Mall gig on Thursday, May 10th. 2 more mugs of zum zum...maybe 3? Whatever Bill lives in my complex and is my guitar player, I'm not driving home today so it's all good. I didn't eat today I remember...oops.

I get home and Stephen is in bed, annoyed because when he dropped me off I forgot to give him the keys to the apartment so he was locked out for a few hours. My bad. Gus is insane, per usual. I haven't eaten today, I remember...hmmm what sort of culinary genius can I come up with...No more ham, for the love of God I baked a ham like 5 days ago and I swear I've eaten the left overs two times a day. Ummm I don't want cereal...I wish I was at my mom's, they always have the best food. The best,10pm-a-little-buzzed-from-practice-boyfriend-annoyed-with-me-food. CUP OF NOODLES OMG YES. For some reason cup of noodles was like the best thing I could ever hope for. Annnnddd I think I want an english muffin...yaaaa. Yaaa a cup of noodles and an english muffin...annndd my easter basket full of chocolate covered whatever. Where is that, I want that. I binge, and watch River Monsters

*side note* - This is why I don't like boating or "floating the river" well this and my genuine dread of being seen in a swimsuit in public bur...have you SEEN this show? THIS SHIT IS REAL PEOPLE. I ain't gettin eaten by a nuclear waste mutated trout or what the hell ever. Nu uh. HANFORD IS RIGHT THERE. God only knows what freaky deaky water animals lurk below you in your stupid ski boat with mounted speakers blasting Power 99 and throwing your bud light bottles below..you're only going to piss them off, and wake up the terror circling below you in the murky darkness. SEE YOU ON 1,000 WAYS TO DIE BRO.

I am still hungry. Whatever. I chug two water bottles...damn you zum zum mug. I wake up Stephen, we watch 2 more episodes of "Game of Thrones" which we are OBSESSED WITH. Stephen and Ben like it because it's like some game called SKYRIM on xbox or something but I like it for the obvious reasons you'll just have to watch it sometime. I pass out, wake up at noon because Gus somehow opened my bedroom door? Jedi-Cat.

Stephen gets home from work and I ask

"What's a "baby orange?"

Stephen: "You're so cute."

Perfect. This is why I can never "talk shop." Leave the talkin to the men. I'll just look pretty and sing my songs. Fair Enough.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


vbbbb vbbbb vbbb
vbbbb vbbbb vbbb

My phone has vibrated 12 times. Two emails from my manager:

Kate Turner Louisiana Jam flyer confirmation needs your approval

Forwarded email from National Mom's Night at Columbia Center Mall, May 10th.

3 texts from manager: Boom. Boom. Boom.

what? the eff?

1 email from Juicy Couture acct: shopping rewards


1 txt from Kass: twittteeer :)

1 txt from Stephen (boyfriend): babe? GUESS WHAT?

Me: What?

Boyfriend: LOVEDRUG wrote us back, they're going to do a show with us May 19th, will you talk to your boss? Ray's is already booked.


I jump out of bed and pound on hungover Ben's door. I know he's hungover because his bike is in the living room AGAIN.


"I know I know steve texted me"

I call my boss, Jen. LoveDrug is one of my favorite bands, one of roommate Ben's favorite bands, one of my boyfriends band, RUN FROM COVER's, favorite bands. Now, the boyfriend gets exposure, I get to rock out, and Ben doesn't have to stress out over whether or not he should go to Day Glow in Seattle or go to the LoveDrug show the same night. Crisis overted. Everybody wins.

"Kate, Paul has never charged a cover, he's against it always."

"I know, I know, but this is a big band, they've never played this area and they'd bring a huge crowd, guaranteed"

"Well send me the info, I'll talk to Paul"

Paul owns the Crier, which is where I work. I've done shows there, and no, there is never a cover. BUT, there's also never been a band like LoveDrug to play there. Normally this kind of show goes on down the street from the Crier in the Uptown at Ray's Golden Lion, where under agers and beer drinkers a like can always count on some sort of live show. They, are booked. PLEASE GOD let Paul let me book this band here. He can make money, I can make money, and I won't have to take off work to go watch them play somewhere else.

This is huge for boyfriend's band. They deserve this. Run From Cover is the perfect fit to open for LoveDrug.

"Ok, it's us or Kimo's I'll get more information when I can"

I walk outside my room, and of course, our dog-cat Gus has gotten into the garbage, AGAIN.


Jesus. I get back to bed, per usual, and fire up the laptop, gotta keep voting. Currently, myself (Kate Turner, kateturnermusic.com, itunes, facebook etc..just sayin) boyfriend's band, Run From Cover, local bands Goodnight Argent and Silver Dollar Circus are all competing in MTV's Ourstage.com National Warped Tour Competition, "Get Warped." Out of 1,700 bands, our 4 fabulous Tri-City bands have made it into the top 100 and entered the Semi-Finals. None of us are close enough to any of the east coast tour dates to qualify, so we're all grouped in the "National" competition.

It takes FOREVER to vote. There are currently, 4, 950 pairings to judge against TWO AT A TIME. and I've only conquered 90 battles. Sweet. Only 4,900 left to fight. Good thing I only work weekends and don't have rehearsal until 6. Now, me being in the finals is almost funny. I mean, my music is Country. Even if I came close to winning, the audience of Warped Tour would probably throw shit at me. In my boots, with my band of middle aged dudes rockin out to honky tonk? But I have no shame, and try and enter myself in every competition I can qualify for. AND IT SAID COUNTRY as one of the genres. So. Whatever. I am pleased and humored that I even made it this far.

Run From Cover however, is perfect for Warped Tour. No, they don't have screamer music, they aren't a band of 5 girls yelling about their periods, and No, they don't cover Good Charlotte...but they're perfect for Warped Tour. They're so good. And when I saw the competition pop up in my email I thought..why the H don't the boys do this? So, I made them an Ourstage account. Uploaded their entire album  from Stephen's computer, picked out some pictures, copy pasted their bio from their website and entered them in everything there was to be entered in. BOOM. You're welcome boys. Because WHO is number 1 right now? Run From Cover, ladies and gentlemen, Run from freaking Cover. Fightin the good fight. Honestly, at this point even being in the top 100 for semi-finals was rad, but they went from #97 ( I was #5..nbd) to #1 in less than 12 hours. Killin it. Perfect publicity to kick of their "Sunlight Tour." They will be all over the west coast this summer, a Warped Tour date would only add to their bad-ass-ness.

Back to the war in music on ourstage. Everyone go vote, it's not easy and it takes forever but it's worth it. Isn't it worth it to help out local bands that deserve a big break? There is a reason that out of 1,700 bands across the nation, 4 of the top 100 are from right here. One of the reasons, Brook Floyd, hail to the God of Recording in the Tri, the man is solid gold. BUT THE OTHER REASON, is that we're good. Run From Cover, GA, SDC, MEEEEE...we're good. And we should shamelessly write blogs and solicit votes from our friends and facebook fans because...how else are we supposed to get people to pay attention to us? How else are kick ass bands like LoveDrug supposed to come to our little town and give a local band the opportunity to share the stage with them? By asking. So, do it. do it. Vote. And come to the LoveDrug/RunFromCover show here in the tri whenever we figure out where to have it...pay the cover or whatever, buy 12 drinks. Support local music, and maybe you'll even become a new fan.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Big Deal

I got the cover of another local music review paper. Walla Walla Union Bulletin's "Marquee." (see I took a picture of it with my phone, because they wanted me to pay for an online subscription in order to get the actual article) Awhile back I graced the cover of "Atomic Town" in the Tri-City Herald. I've been featured on KNDU Tv, and KVEW's Good Morning Northwest station. I've been on KONA talk radio, Portland's talk radio program KPAM and Seattle's KIRO radio program. My music has been featured on Gridstream Productions internet radio out of Texas, and Easter Oregon University's college radio program KEOL. I've played live on KORD radio in the Tri and recently, they finally played my single "Baby No" on their morning show. I am referred to as "Up and Coming." I'm the Northwests's new big deal dude...obvi.

 Or not. Not really, but I'd be lying if all the attention that my music has gotten in the short months I've been "out" isn't totally awesome. in July of 2011 I released my EP album, with 4 modest songs I wrote about my life and my past, and of course, as always, my exes. I have a lot to be proud of in such a short amount of time. With little to no expectation of how my music would be recieved by people other than my family and friends, I have been bombarded with "success" thus far. In fact, I'm so cool now that this big concert promotion firm in Dallas has promised to put me in front of major acts to get my name out there. Ya...and this manager, who is, like any manager, probably full of shit, but at least I can say I have a manager, right? Such a big deal. At the end of this month I even get to go to Dallas Cowboy Stadium for the 2012 NFL Draft Preview Party. And the same weekend open at Texas Motor Speedway on a bill that's a page and a half long..but hey, at least I'm on the bill...it's a big show..a big deal.

Before this, I hadn't and probably couldn't be booked outside my local gigs. It's much cooler to most people to hear that I supposedly get to travel the country this summer "touring" instead of saying..Kate has another show at the Crier. Cool. I seem way more legit, more of a big deal now that instead of playing in a dive bar where I grew up, I get to go play in a dive bar in Texas...which in reality..very well could be..what happens. Regardless tour sounds cooler than shows, and Texas sounds cooler than Richland so...I'll take what I can get. All expenses paid people, airfare, hotel, food, plus actual payment for the shows..no less than 500 a pop and all I gotta do is throw on some boots and some eyeliner and sing my very own music. Boom. A big deal, I'm tellin ya.

I didn't even have to pay for my representation. In fact,  management guy saw me on the internet...finally my social networking has paid off. Youtube, Facebook, Ourstage, Reverbnation, itunes, Soundcloud...and of course kateturnermusic.com. I have my own .com now. SUCH a big..deal. All this in less than a year? Doesn't seem real. Or fair? I've watched bands and singers who's parents have all this money to buy them all this stuff and send them to shows and pay for studio time and videos and...everything you need to turn your kid into a star...how's that workin out for ya? Just curious. Not me though, I'm a big deal because I'm good, and not hard to look at which let's face it, helps. I'm what the A & R reps told me is "The whole package" and clearly, since I have not had one record deal waived in front of my face yet, not one, that "whole package" thing is up for debate.

I'm such a big deal that for the first time since all this buzz started about the "Tri-Cities own Kate Turner", I went back to Burbank, where I grew up,  and played a little gig with a friend of mine on Easter Sunday. Last minute thing where it wasn't set up for me, Ed Dailey just thought it'd be cool to have THE Kate Turner appear in Burbank, what with her big ole tour comin up and all...and when I got there a man in the parking lot walked up to me and said,

 "HEY HEY...is Clay Moon playing here today? Read about Clay Moon in the paper, drove all the way here from Richland"

My guitar player Bill gave me the "omg kate's head is going to explode" look and I turned to the man and said,

"You mean CALE Moon, yes Cale Moon will be playing here today"

ps- uhhh don't you know who I AM...psshhhttt. Whatev.

Bill and I take a seat inside where I guess as far as grange shows go, it was a packed house, Cale had his little cd table set up in the back and I looked ridiculous in red pants and cowboy boots because I JUST MOVED INTO MY APARTMENT AND HAVE NO CLEAN CLOTHES. People always tell me, "you don't look like a country singer." Don't let the v-neck tee shirts and chuck taylors fool you man, I know how to dress for a show, yeeeeee haw. A few locals get up there and do their thing, including Mr. Ohman, who recently BEAT ME in the 94.9 The WOLF's singing competition at the fair last year to open on the Main Stage...ya..because I'm such a big deal that I couldn't even win a singing competition..here..where I live..and am such a big deal. Anyway, I get up there with Bill and Mr. Dailey starts going on and on about THE Kate Turner who grew up right here in Burbank and is playing blah blah and blah blah music video on youtube blah..WHO HERE KNOWS KATE????? SHOW OF HANDS...

Cale Moon...and Ron and Kathy Berg..my neighbors enthusiastically shoot their hands into the air..fantastic. I try and be me, someone crude, but no cuss words because I wouldn't wanna humiliate my mother in her territory on Easter..but no one thinks I'm funny. This is way easier when I'm in a bar and everyone is drunk and thinks I'm hilarious. I have disapointed my audience, being THE ONLY performer who doesn't know any gospel music, and instead plugs myself on itunes and sings a Miranda Lamber cover about death. Straight killin it in Burbank y'all. Soon after people cautiously clap for me for the third straight song, Cale comes up to the microphone with a thick..Benton City accent? And is creepily charming. If we wouldn't have been in Burbank, at the Grange, surrounded by old people, on Easter Sunday...the stage would have been covered with panties. I'm 90 percent sure he gave me googley eyes. No Bullshit.

 Just so you know, they took professional pictures after the show..and the only person who wanted mine was Cale. He had a line of pre teen girls who just couldn't wait to capture this day on camera...BIG. deal. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE DON'T THESE PEOPLE KNOW ME.

No, and they don't care, because the 17 year old ginger from Benton City talked about Jesus, sang a duet with his sister about Jesus, and wore a giant belt buckle and sounds like Johnny Cash. I get in my car, before the show is even over, stop by my parents' who give me a guilt trip about missing the egg hunt this morning, EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T EVEN GET HOME FROM WORK TILL 3AM, I call my boyfriend and pick a fight with him for no reason, then go home, drink too many beers, read the article written about me in the Walla Walla Union Bulletin, stare at my wall of framed Kate Turner memorabilia, and eat a bag of those little cadbury chocolate covered eggs until I nearly puke. Boyfriend brings home a plate of treats from his family's festivities, which I clear in about 90 seconds until I nearly puke, again. Big..freaking..Deal.